Lo and behold, how epic unisex swimwear from the golden eighties. High waist and gender-neutral cut make these a guaranteed hit on the beach. Also an excellent choice for a superhero. Put these on top of the merino wool base layer, and captain Armageddon is ready to sweep the shady streets clean of crime! There is but one obstacle when it comes to their world domination. They are predominantly comfortable on undead amphibious troops and pixies.

Features

The Dutch Navy boldly sails where no swimwear designer has sailed before. These don’t have the cup in the front where the male bits normally go. Yet the cut isn’t that traditionally feminine either, so these might be unisex in nature, bringing on board some military equality, where everybody is equally miserable. Well-endowed gentlemen will feel an erotic S/M squeeze in their nether region. In the vanilla world, mostly recommended for women and male sports car enthusiasts.

The waist is high, which seems to be in fashion again. Might not be anymore next month, so act fast. These don’t take that much space in the closet, so then you can keep them there until the next fashion purge. Or say bollocks to that and wear them all the time no matter what the fashion goblins whine.

We found at least the years 1989 and 1990 on the tags, but there might be others as well. Luckily the style doesn’t change from year to year.

Materials

These are as synthetic as the 80s pop music, this time made from 100% polyamide. The fabric is deep blue in color, pretty close to the calm sea on a warm summer evening. It has that lovely rough old-time feel like the salt-scented caress of a ruggedly handsome sailor on the Bay of Biscay in the days of yore.

Size info

Note! This time the sizes are small and very small!! A larger number is a bit larger. These are suitable for Icelandic elves, very petite/slim adult humans, or children. Also an ideal stag/hen party outfit or a gag gift.

Below you’ll find the estimated waist size on women and men. Note that the waist isn’t usually the problem. It is the leg holes that are very narrow on all of these, so trained thighs won’t fit very well. Active cyclists and skaters can only use these as a tourniquet.

Condition

Dutch navy surplus. The condition varies to some extent. These are used and decades old but in very good condition for their age. No extra holes or nuthin’. Since these are clean, we have been able to keep the price very affordable. The market for used dirty underwear is pretty brutal and prices sky high as you might know.