Pst. Would you like to buy some underwear? And not just any underwear but thick, retrosexual Swiss army long johns! Possibly used, possibly not, who knows. Unfortunately clean, but at least cheap. Perfect for winter use. Also excellent combat pants for high elves among us.

Features

We strongly believe that these were originally used more as pant liners than long johns on their own. We have no idea about their dating but judging by the material and cut, they have most likely been forgotten in some gloomy but well-ventilated storage bunker for a very long time.

These have a buttoned dick window, although the buttons leave a pretty big opening. It won’t matter much because you aren’t supposed to go commando underneath. If you pull these on bare skin, your willy might go on a walk. The elastic hems are pretty snug, and the fabric is somewhat stretchy all in all apart of course from the waistband. So, get the right size. There is a tightening system above your ass crack, that you can use to adjust the waist just a tad, in case you like those post-Christmas diets.

Condition

Swiss military surplus. Nicely used, some might even be unissued but abandoned in some warehouse. All of them have been washed and are in very nice condition. So, they don’t smell of toxic masculinity or the essence of fetishes, just some detergent. If you still feel iffy about it, buy brand new long johns. We also have awesome Merino wool.